Some time during his life, Seth Grahame-Smith looked at American history, squinted a little, and said, “You know what this is missing? Vampires.” And instead of being institutionalized, he turned this concept into a New York Times Best Seller in 2010 and then, just two years later, he was handed a budget, a camera, and the boldness of a thousand powdered wigs to make it into a movie. Thank God.
Upon rewatching Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter in 2025, it feels even more awesome than it did in 2012—and not in an ironic way. This movie slaps, decapitates, somersaults, and horse-stomps its way into your brain like Red Dead Redemption meets Blade II while directed by a history teacher on cocaine. And the fact that critics ever dared to give this movie low scores on Rotten Tomatoes? That’s not just wrong—it’s criminal. Clearly, the Rotten crowd couldn’t recognize a top-hat-wearing, axe-wielding cinematic masterpiece if it jumped out of the shadows and suplexed them through the Emancipation Proclamation.
The Premise is So Dumb It’s Genius
You know how most historical dramas feature stiff dialogue and soft string music while someone stares longingly at a quill? Not this one. This movie is based on Seth Grahame-Smith’s novel of the same name (he also wrote the screenplay, because why let someone else ruin your insanity?) and it asks the timeless question: What if slavery wasn’t the only evil Lincoln fought? What if vampires were in on it too?
And then it answers that question—with an axe to the face.
The Cast is Unironically Great
• Benjamin Walker plays Abraham Lincoln with a level of dead-serious commitment that deserves a Presidential Medal of Acting.
• Dominic Cooper steps in as vampire-hunter mentor Henry Sturges and exudes 1800s swagger like someone who’s lived through several unfortunate pandemics.
• Rufus Sewell is the villainous vampire Adam, and somehow makes a Confederate bloodsucker both punchable and captivating.
• Mary Elizabeth Winstead plays Mary Todd Lincoln and brings depth to a role that could’ve easily been “angry wife with candle.”
• Anthony Mackie, yes THE Falcon, plays Will Johnson, Lincoln’s lifelong friend and vampire-slaying sidekick. That’s right—this movie had the Marvel Cinematic Universe in its blood before it was cool.
Plus, there are a ton of other familiar faces you will recognize in this movie that add that much more to it.
The Action Scenes Deserve a Museum Wing
Remember the fight on the stampede of horses? That wasn’t CGI vomit—it was beautifully choreographed insanity. There’s an axe that doubles as a shotgun, political debates that turn into martial arts, and vampires exploding into dust like history class had a baby with Blade. It’s slick, stylish, and gloriously unapologetic in every frame.
The film doesn’t just play with historical figures—it bites them in the neck and drags them into a fever dream of gothic action and sepia-toned bloodlust. It takes real pain (slavery, loss, war) and layers it with undead metaphors that—okay, sure, might not be technically accurate—but who cares? It’s Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. You came here for neck-snapping, not nuance.
It’s Aged Like a Barrel of Vampire Whiskey
In a post-John Wick, post-Multiverse of Madness world, this movie’s straight-faced absurdity hits even harder. It doesn’t wink at the camera. It doesn’t try to be clever. It just leans into the ridiculous and delivers a historical fantasy so sincerely badass that it feels cooler now than it did when it first hit theaters.
So yeah, Rotten Tomatoes can keep their 34%. We’ll be over here, sharpening our silver axes and raising a glass to the 16th President of the United States—slayer of the undead, emancipator of the living, and lead in one of the most underappreciated action horror films of our time.
Happy 13th anniversary, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. You’re still a national treasure… just one with a body count.
