So…About That Aquaman Trailer…

Aquaman trailer is everything you’d expect and MORE…and then some more…and, yeah, more…

So…uh…Aquaman, who’s the bad guy? I guess there are a lot of them: Orm, Black Manta, the hoards of horrible monsters and other alien-esque creatures, Aquaman’s insecurities. Yeah folks, we’re on a runaway train heading shamelessly into the same wall that Batman vs. Superman and the Justice League smashed into.

Don’t get me wrong; there are aspects to the Aquaman trailer that look pretty great. Black Manta is the coolest looking villain maybe ever, and the shot we get where he’s cutting down marble pillars with bright red lasers shot from his eyes is something that I absolutely want to see. Honestly, if the folks at DC were somehow able to restrain themselves from overloading their movies with everything from every comic that they’ve ever written, and if they were able to forge their own identity (more on this in a second), I might not be so horrified by the content of their trailers.

As promised, forging your own identity starts with not force-feeding fans the same sense of humor that Marvel has (sometimes) perfected. Let’s not pretend that we’re not all aware that after the pseudo-psychological darkness in Dawn of Justice, DC has been copying the Marvel blueprint to build out its own series of superhero flicks. It’s cringe-worthy. Watching the Aquaman trailer, you get the sense that he’s DC’s Thor: ultra-jacked, charming, a little dim-witted yet surprisingly in touch with his own sense of self. However, Jason Mamoa is no Chris Hemsworth (but…but…haven’t you seen The Bad Batch?!?), and his ability to act as far as I’m concerned has proven to be about as wooden as the opening monologue to this horrific trailer.

Aquaman looks kind of entertaining if your idea of entertaining is acid washing your appreciation of quality and ignoring the smell of pee in your seat because you were too distracted by the array of bright lights and bad acting emanating from the screen to remember to use the restroom. From the trailer, Aquaman appears to be about as appealing as a trip to Sizzler, where you can easily mistake chocolate pudding for taco meat (trust me on this one): there’s a lot to take but you have to carefully consider whether or not you want any of it. You might be more satisfied staring at a floor full of Lisa Frank school supplies. At the very least, you’ll get the same visual appeal, which is all that Aquaman appears to offer.

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